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3 Minute Monday

3MM: Waiting, Negativity & Misogyny

Published about 2 months ago • 3 min read

3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

Don’t wait.

Life is happening right now.

I’ve become obsessed with the belief that life’s duties will one day be out of the way and you can then finally start doing the thing you want to and living your life fully.

This is a myth. It’s a lie.

Marie-Louise von Franz talks about “the provisional life”.

“There is a strange feeling that one is not yet in real life.
For the time being, one is doing this or that… [but] there is always the fantasy that sometime in the future the real thing will come about."

Similar to another idea called Deferred Happiness Syndrome.

“The common feeling that your life has not begun, that your present reality is a mere prelude to some idyllic future.
This idyll is a mirage that'll fade as you approach, revealing that the prelude you rushed through was in fact the one to your death.” — Gurwinder Bhogal

It’s strange, I regularly have this sense of foreboding and guilt about time slipping away.

That I’m not making enough of my days.

Especially when I look back on a week and I know I’ve done things and dedicated myself to pursuits and working hard, but I can’t really fully recall how I actually spent my time.

So I worry that this is just a one-week microcosm of how I’ll look back on my entire life.

As time having passed but me not really noticing it.

Of existence occurring but living not actually having got going.

Then I think, what’s the answer?

Just go full hedonic Dan Bilzarian hyper playboy mode?

Cast off all worldly obligations and become a nomad travelling the world?

Commit fully to the hardest, most worthwhile pursuits I can?

I don’t know.

But I’m pretty sure these are the golden years.

I think it’s quite likely that when you look back, these times right now will be the ones you cherish.

So approach them with requisite joy and care and presence.

And ignore the cynics and the buzzkills.

“The greatest trick the devil ever played was making you believe that the pessimists are the good guys.” — Packy McCormack

Don’t wait, life is happening right now.

MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast which has had 500 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Matthew Hussey - the world’s #1 dating coach on finding love, integrating emotions, red flags, personal growth, finding peace and more. Phenomenal self-development episode.

Thursday.
Jonathan Haidt - why is the modern generation so anxious? Are smartphones actually the boogieman for mental health that everyone suggests? One of the greatest psychologists on the planet answers.

Saturday.
Josh Szeps - why did Josh lose his job on Australia’s #1 network for criticising Gay Pride as a gay man? Why is modern discourse so boring and negative? Can we get rid of the Right and the Left’s obsession with each other?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
Low value men are more misogynistic.

A new study titled “Curvilinear Sexism and Its Links to Men’s Perceived Mate Value” found something interesting.

Men are most inclined toward misogyny when they consider themselves to be low mate value, i.e., when they doubt their appeal to female partners.

The researchers tested the novel hypothesis that men lower in status-linked variables—that is, subjective social status and perceived mate value—are relatively disinclined to offset their high hostile sexism with high benevolent sexism.

Findings revealed that mate value, but not social status, moderates the hostile–benevolent sexism link among men.

Whereas men high in perceived mate value endorse hostile and benevolent sexism linearly across the attitude range, men low in mate value show curvilinear sexism, characterised by declining benevolence as hostility increases above the midpoint.

The curvilinear sexism effect is stronger among men than women.

The curve is stronger among men low versus high in perceived mate value, and especially if they lack a serious relationship partner. — h/t William Costello

2.
Another danger of working for yourself.

“In a permissionless environment where you can really embrace the freedom of being able to work whenever you want, wherever you want.

For most people what that is going to turn into is working all the time, wherever you are.

And you don’t have someone to stop you, other than yourself.

It’s much more problematic than you might expect.

It’s a real risk.” — Tim Ferriss

3.
Why I hate being around negative people.

“Being an asshole is a weak person’s idea of strength.

Complaining is their connection.

Never let yourself be held back by other people’s fears.

People criticise what they are afraid to do themselves.

Because bold action reminds them of their own inaction.

If you’re afraid to be criticised: why do you care about the opinions of those who are too timid to do it themselves?

If you are the criticiser: does tearing down someone who has the courage you lack make you better?” — Mark Manson

LIFE HACK

Oliver Burkeman’s writing.

Phenomenal blog posts. I love this man.

Try this one on Productivity Debt.

Big love,
Chris x

Try my productivity drink Neutonic.
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PS
I hit 2 million subscribers on YouTube. Thank you for all the kind words. Surreal times.

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3 Minute Monday

by Chris Williamson

Podcaster with 400m+ plays. I write about the most important lessons I learn from the best thinkers on the planet. 160,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.

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