Podcaster with 400m+ plays. I write about the most important lessons I learn from the best thinkers on the planet. 160,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3MM: Neediness, Children & Fertility
3 MINUTE MONDAYHi friend, “Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
Any time you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else’s needs rather than your own, that is needy.
Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy.
Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that is needy.
Whereas most people focus on what behavior is attractive/unattractive, what determines neediness (and therefore, attractiveness) is the why behind your behavior.
You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.” — Mark Manson
Turning people off is definitely not optimal. I like turning people on as much as the next guy. But there’s an even bigger price to be paid here; your own self-worth. Imagine a world in which you’re unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself. Are you happy? Is it worth it? Now imagine a world where you’re disliked by most people, but you love yourself. I propose that self-love-you would be happier. Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves. If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you’ll know. Even if you think you’re not keeping score, your subconscious is. Here’s the problem. We sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation). "The essence of an entertainer is 'If you don't like me, I don't like me'." — Jimmy Carr You must not outsource your sense of self-worth to the crowd. Prioritise yourself. MODERN WISDOMI do a podcast which has had 500 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This week’s upcoming episodes: Monday. Thursday. Saturday. THINGS I'VE LEARNED1. "Researchers asked 681 child participants (mean age: 10 years old) to look at photos of 2 people. The children were then instructed to choose who they preferred to be the captain of a ship. Unbeknownst to the participants, the 2 people were in fact politicians running for office. The children’s preferred person for captain won their political contest 71% of the time. Interestingly, this study was conducted in May of 2008 and the children correctly predicted the outcome of the Obama-McCain election. Want to know who’s going to win in November? Maybe ask your fifth grader." — Rob Henderson 2. “Men’s attraction to youth is even more pronounced when you consider the relationship between overall fertility and “first birth”. For 99.9% of human history where birth control was not available, women were usually either continuously pregnant or lactating. Meaning she was probably infertile 99% of the time. If a hypothetical woman had a career of making babies from age 16 to 42, she would have spent six years pregnant and eighteen years breastfeeding. Since breastfeeding inhibits ovulation, this would leave her only twenty-six ovulation cycles of three fertile days each, meaning she was capable of conceiving on 78 of 8030 days…or 1% of the time. Perhaps this is why men often prefer the physical signs of a woman who is BELOW peak fertility (under age 20 even). It’s like signing a contract a year before you want to start the job.” — Don Symons & Nancy Etcott, h/t William Costello 3. “The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.” — Michael A. Singer LIFE HACKNew lower Whoop price. The best fitness tracker on earth just dropped their price to as low as £17 per month. Track everything - your sleep, workouts, HRV, resting heart rate, daily stress, habits and more - all by wearing a little strap on your wrist. Get the Whoop 4.0 strap for free, get your first month for free and there's a 30 day money-back guarantee. So you can buy it for free, try it for free and if you don't like it, they'll give you your money back. Big love, Try my productivity drink Neutonic. PS |
3 Minute Monday
by Chris Williamson
Podcaster with 400m+ plays. I write about the most important lessons I learn from the best thinkers on the planet. 160,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, It’s the 200th edition of this Newsletter! Two-flippin-hundred Mondays in a row. It also just broke 200,000 subscribers, so thank you to everyone who has joined and reads every week. If you’d like to say thank you & congratulate me - just tell your friends to join for free by sending them this link: https://chriswillx.com/books/ Anyway, onto what I’ve been thinking about this week. I love this one. Shadow sentences. You’re dating someone and they haven’t seen you...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, “On social media, fools feel clever by mocking bigger fools, and scoundrels feel virtuous by condemning bigger scoundrels. We feel good simply by portraying others as worse. In an age of anxiety & inaction, many seek self-esteem not in their own abilities, but in other's failures.” — Gurwinder Bhogal This is one of my least favourite trends. I am so bored of cynicism on the internet. I'm sick of seeing comment sections just filled with self-defeating, world-hating...
3 MINUTE MONDAY Hi friend, Here are four of the most important things I’ve realised about problems and stress: 1. Problems are a feature of life, not a bug. There will never come a time when you have no problems. What, did you think that one day you’re just going to wake up and cease having problems? Like completing a video game and levelling up to a map where there’s nothing there? That’s never going to happen. Your problems will change, but having problems is going nowhere. Dealing with...