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3 Minute Monday

3MM: Neediness, Children & Fertility

Published 2 months ago • 3 min read

3 MINUTE MONDAY

Hi friend,

“Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
Any time you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else’s needs rather than your own, that is needy.
Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy.
Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that is needy.
Whereas most people focus on what behavior is attractive/unattractive, what determines neediness (and therefore, attractiveness) is the why behind your behavior.
You can say the coolest thing or do what everyone else does, but if you do it for the wrong reason, it will come off as needy and desperate and turn people off.” — Mark Manson

Turning people off is definitely not optimal.

I like turning people on as much as the next guy.

But there’s an even bigger price to be paid here; your own self-worth.

Imagine a world in which you’re unanimously adored by millions, but you hate yourself.

Are you happy? Is it worth it?

Now imagine a world where you’re disliked by most people, but you love yourself.

I propose that self-love-you would be happier.

Because ultimately, in some taoist, roundabout way, the reason we want validation from others is to give us a good enough reason to validate ourselves.

If you compromise yourself in order to gain favour with other people, you’ll know.

Even if you think you’re not keeping score, your subconscious is.

Here’s the problem.

We sacrifice the thing we want (self worth) for the thing which is supposed to get it (validation).

"The essence of an entertainer is 'If you don't like me, I don't like me'." — Jimmy Carr

You must not outsource your sense of self-worth to the crowd.

Prioritise yourself.

MODERN WISDOM

I do a podcast which has had 500 million+ downloads. You should subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This week’s upcoming episodes:

Monday.
Dr Peter Attia - 3 hours with one of the best health & fitness researchers on the planet. Sleep, training, longevity, happiness, mental clarity, everything.

Thursday.
Oliver Burkeman - my favorite productivity philosopher on why we're so obsessed with efficiency, how to actually enjoy your life while achieving things and more. Do not miss this one.

Saturday.
Abigail Shrier - is therapy making the world, and specifically children, worse? Are we pathologising normal human emotions? A lively debate here.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

1.
Kids know who is going to win elections.

"Researchers asked 681 child participants (mean age: 10 years old) to look at photos of 2 people.

The children were then instructed to choose who they preferred to be the captain of a ship.

Unbeknownst to the participants, the 2 people were in fact politicians running for office.

The children’s preferred person for captain won their political contest 71% of the time.

Interestingly, this study was conducted in May of 2008 and the children correctly predicted the outcome of the Obama-McCain election.

Want to know who’s going to win in November? Maybe ask your fifth grader." — Rob Henderson

2.
Women were rarely fertile ancestrally.

“Men’s attraction to youth is even more pronounced when you consider the relationship between overall fertility and “first birth”.

For 99.9% of human history where birth control was not available, women were usually either continuously pregnant or lactating.

Meaning she was probably infertile 99% of the time.

If a hypothetical woman had a career of making babies from age 16 to 42, she would have spent six years pregnant and eighteen years breastfeeding.

Since breastfeeding inhibits ovulation, this would leave her only twenty-six ovulation cycles of three fertile days each, meaning she was capable of conceiving on 78 of 8030 days…or 1% of the time.

Perhaps this is why men often prefer the physical signs of a woman who is BELOW peak fertility (under age 20 even).

It’s like signing a contract a year before you want to start the job.” — Don Symons & Nancy Etcott, h/t William Costello

3.
Your neuroticism is achieving nothing.

“The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.” — Michael A. Singer

LIFE HACK

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Big love,
Chris x

Try my productivity drink Neutonic.
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PS
Saw tons of BBLs in Miami this weekend. Terrifying.

3 Minute Monday

by Chris Williamson

Podcaster with 400m+ plays. I write about the most important lessons I learn from the best thinkers on the planet. 160,000+ people read my free newsletter. Press subscribe to join.

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